Well, everyone knows now...

Josh and I are getting a divorce.

It's been long in coming. Progressively worse and worse. But I feel like we are both moving on with our lives in the hopes that we can both grow emotionally. I already see it happening. Right now we are getting along reasonably well, so let's hope it continues to stay that way.

I've been working my butt off trying to save up for a retainer for a lawyer and a deposit on an apartment, so I haven't been posting much. Unfortunately we (me, the kids, and my mom) are all moving out of the house. But it will be nice to get a fresh start.

Josh won't be supporting Kyle, but we're hoping he can still remain on his insurance, and we're still figuring out the whole custody thing. I won't go into lots of detail, to spare feelings and what not, but I will keep ya'll updated on the proceedings.

I still feel kinda guilty posting this stuff, but I promised myself when I started this blog that I wouldn't hold back, and as Renee so *delicately* put it "...I hate having to worry about what other people will think when I make a decision for my family. I've gotten pretty selfish about that ..."

There were some other choice words there too... ;)

But I'm getting along better with my mom, so that's the silver lining. Also, Josh is spending much more quality time with Marie, so that's awesome. Again, I think there's going to be some growth for both of us.

In other news, I've been attending Al Anon meetings in support of one of my friends, and let me tell you, it is an amazing thing. There are so many things I am learning about myself, and so many people I can relate to. I really like the environment and the support... which is really funny because I never thought I would attend any type of group meeting other than a Stitch N Bitch. (That's a knitting circle for those that don't know.) They basically (believe?teach?) that with the help from a Higher Power and support from other people that are going through the same trials you are, that you can come to terms with alcoholism and similar addictions and behaviors. And since I've recently had a "falling out" with God, it's nice to be able to start getting to a place where I feel comfortable with my beliefs again. But that's enough of that. Here's a link to their site if anyone wants more info.

Anyway, that's about it I guess. I'll try to update more often. :)

Why I'm not posting lately.

I'm going to be very vague in this post....

So some of you might know what's going on, but some of you might not. But there have been circumstances that have been causing me some heavy stress lately. Thus I haven't been much up to posting.

As it is, there are readers that I can't tell the situation to via my blog, so I still can't say what's going on.

Suffice it to say, I am VERY ready for this to be done. I have a feeling it won't be though for a long while yet.

But here's what I *can* say now:

It's not physical - no cancer or anything like that, so no worries.

I've already done this once in my life and I think it's going to be much more complicated (and expensive!) this time.

The kids are fine.

People are going to be disappointed in me, and might hate me, but I have to do what is best for me and my kids.

I'm tired.

Little Pixie!

The time has finally come! Marie has had her first haircut. And in the time honored tradition of messing stuff up... I did it myself.

Before


After

As you can see I really didn't do too bad. I'm gonna catch hell from my mom though!

In other news, I have a ridiculous amount of pictures I need to organize and upload. So that's what I'm going to do for the next... oh... several hours...

Guess what I did last night?

Stayed up till 4 in the morning with Marie.

And I fell asleep before she did, so I have no idea what time she fell asleep.

So WHY was she awake, you ask? Because SOMEONE let her take a nap at 7:30 pm. It was too much work for them to keep her awake for even one hour.

I'm very frustrated.

Too early for taxes?

I have to buy another costume today and that's gotten me thinking...

So I have this job, right? Where I don't pay any taxes because I don't have a "paycheck." I'm an independent contractor, so I have to take care of all that stuff myself.

Well since the beginning of the year, I've been saving all my receipts for the supplies I've had to buy: costumes, make up, balloons, face paint, magic stuff... you know... all the essentials... and I have a pretty fat stack of receipts! I'm getting nervous about tax time. I've never had to write anything off, before - I've always just been able to take the standard deduction. But now I'm pretty sure it'll be better to write all this crap off... and I'm sure it won't be this much next year. This was my first full year and I'm nervous because I'll probably have to pay this year as opposed to getting a refund. But I guess we'll have to see, huh?

Yeah so that's what you get with me blogging before taking Kyle to school.

I really think my writing style has taken some blows, though.

Ooh! I finished Famous Wayne's site! I just have to upload it and then get paid! Yay money! I'm really glad I got to do this one. I've learned some great things about Photoshop that I didn't know before. I still want to take a class on that thing though... it would be so much easier than being self taught.

Off to school! Woohoo!

I'd rather be ...

There is a trade off when you can work as much as you want. On one hand you get to spend more time with your family, but you can't afford to do anything with them... let alone pay the bills. On the other hand, if you work as much as you can, you never see your kids.

It's really hard to balance work and home. Even when you work AT home.

I have a couple different websites that I need to be working on right now. But unfortunately Marie can't stand me being on the computer for longer than 10 minutes at a time. And Kyle has gotten REALLY into World of Warcraft. Like all I hear is "Hey mom are you done with the computer now?"

It's so hard to know where the line is. I want to work enough to spend time with my kids. But the more I work the more I miss them and feel like I need to make up for my "neglect." (OK I know it's not neglect, but I couldn't think of a more appropriate word.) So then I take them to Chuck E. Cheese or something to make it up to them. But of course we couldn't go to Chuck E. Cheese if I didn't work enough to pay for the ridiculously expensive pizza. Would you call that a catch 22? I'm not even sure if I'm using the phrase correctly. Eh, I don't know. I guess we'll just keep on keepin' on.

In other news, I've become somewhat involved in Alcoholics Anonymous.

It's not what you think. I don't drink. But I have a couple friends that go and in a show of support I have started reading from The Big Book and I've found it extremely interesting. There is SO much that can be related to many different diseases and disorders. That's including my personal favorite, bi-polar disorder. I am also beginning to better understand people that have addictions of one sort or another. So other than work and home, that's been one of my main focuses as of late. It feels good to have tools to address different aspects of your life, ya know?

So that's really all. Sorry about the boring and choppy post today. I've got lots on my mind that I'm just not ready to share publicly yet. :P

Here look at this cute picture.

Busy = I get to buy groceries!

Well people I've been CRAZY busy this week. I know what else is new right?

Today I took the kids to the Children's museum. They had a blast! Too bad mom is exhausted now! Oh well, it was a good way to spend Kyle's day off from school. Teacher development day. I don't really remember having those when I went to school What's up with that?

This weekend I had a couple parties and went to Amazing Jonathan's Halloween bash. It was great because all the drinks cost money, but the money all went to the Make a Wish Foundation. I drank water (trying to quit the soda ya know), but I still gave a couple extra bucks just for the cause. There were live sideshow acts (of which some of my friends were a part of!) and a bunch of fire breathing stuff. I'll have to post pictures some time. I went as Rainbow Brite. It was AWESOME!

So for those of you that know about the drama with my mom, I had a strange phone call from her today while at the museum:

Mom: So I just wanted you to know that when I said all I want out of life is to know that you appreciate me, I didn't mean you have to bring me home stuff all the time.

Keri: Yeah I know. I do appreciate you.

Mom: I just want us to get along. I want you to take care of me when I get old and can't do things for myself.

Keri: Yeah I know.

Mom: I want to get to a point where I can just stay home and be a full time maid and nanny. You're so successful with your job, you should just be able to concentrate on it.

Keri: That would be great!

Mom: Yeah,so I think we're getting along alot better now. It's a better quality of life.

Keri: I think so too.

Mom: Ok I'm gonna go now before I start bawling.

--------------------------

It was really, really weird. She has these moments where she's really nice and everything, then she gets all crazy and says I'm neglecting my kids and she's going to call CPS. I just don't know what to think about it.

Anyways, I guess that's the update. Off to work!

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